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Page name: Prose contest - fairy tales opening [Logged in view] [RSS]

2006-01-02 18:53:15

Last author: shotokan_gal
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Elftown Prose Contest - Fairy tales

Opening Paragraph

Credit to [Melocrie] for the writing.

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Once upon a time, there was a beautiful, gorgeous land, still in the age of castles and princesses. There, the days went by like in any other: The sun rising and setting, and meanwhile, many things happened, many adventurous things. But none was so exceptional as that one day, on which the sun was rising into a rather misty morning. It seemed quite plain as any other, but for one thing. A bird sat on the edge of a cliff, watching over the valley. On the other side, lay a castle, quite hidden in the damp air of mist. But a light shone over it, and the bird too might have noticed, that something was about to happen.
In an old farm house, far away from the misty land, lived a little boy and girl. As brother and sister, they of course had times to argue, but also to play. They lived there together with their aunt and uncle, for their parents had died when they were still far younger. Every day passed as another. Until that one fateful day when the old bell on the door rang. The boy hurried to open it, but there was a sight which he had never seen before. In front of him, on the doorstep under the pouring rain, stood a little, pointy-hatted dwarf.

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- Elftown Prose Contest
- Prose contest - Fairy tales

2006-01-02 [Alfirin Lindlea]: In the second line it's "exceptional" not "exceptionally"... and "passed" not "past"... and "the boy hurried to open it, and. Sorry.... I'm pedantic

2006-01-02 [shotokan_gal]: Fixed, mostly (though no one will be judged on the contents of this beginning). Thankyou :)

2006-01-02 [nokaredes]: Do all fairy tales have orphans? >_>

2006-01-02 [Viking]: Not all have orphans, but it is a common motif.

2006-01-03 [Melocrie]: O.o I made THAT many spelling mistakes? Told you, [shotokan_gal] that it should be checked =P

2006-01-03 [Love The Kittens]: Okay, I really don't wish to complain, but I feel obligated to. First of all, why are there TWO lands? Are we supposed to somehow tie the farm far away from the "misty" land? I don't understand! This opening is so confusing. /tear. Blah. Okay, secondly, misty is used twice. Someone should change that. Just because...it sounds cheesy? Okay, sorry to complain. But PLEASE explain to me why there are two different settings and if we're supposed to somehow tie them together...okay /end rant

2006-01-03 [Love The Kittens]: Also, it's supposed to be "as" not "so" in the second line after exceptional. It's comparing, right? So it's supposed to be "as." Umm, okay. There are other mistakes, and I know we're not being judged on this portion of the story...but ti makes me skeptical. I mean, one of the things they're judging on are GRAMMAR. It's kinda sad that the people judging out stories partly based on grammar can't catch the grammatical mistakes in the paragraphs THEY approved to be the opening for all the entries. Comma usage in front of prepositional phrases and all. Okay, so I sound like a grammar Nazi, but in reality, I suck at grammar that's why I have to burn the rules in my mind.

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